seems appropriate, the day after eli's birthday would be star wars day...
uncle mark sent this for eli...a little movie featuring eli, stella, daddy, and their cousin dominic. you can try it too...first, have fun and watch this!
04 May 2010
01 February 2010
goodbye january.
hello 2010.
january entered harshly, so yesterday, i was filled with anticipation as it drew to a close. today i'm starting my new year. one month short, but happily so!
the month was filled with hardship. i wasn't game for speaking of it, until recently when i realized that people like to offer encouragement, and getting it off your chest helps it go away! so...i really should back up to before christmas. chris and i discovered we were expecting another baby. this was unplanned and a little hard for me to handle on its own. (i like to plan...be in control...ha!) i came around to it, and even got a little excited. but all along, something felt strange. chris and i thought we were just "in denial" because i didn't seem pregnant. i didn't even feel pregnant. then on christmas eve (in the morning), i started spotting. this is normal for a lot of pregnant women, but not me. i've never had that lead to something good. i tried to not panic, keep my attitude positive. i made it through the week and we decided to go to our friends (dan and elin's) bi-annual new years eve party. it is such a fun place to be - great friends, food, etc! it was relaxing and distracting, although i never totally shook my nerves. we spent the night at chris' folks with the kids. lo and behold at 5:30 on january 1, i awoke to terrible pain. i was miscarrying. we called my midwife for input and we all agreed i could go through this one at home (things were progressing "normally"). i had a previous miscarriage in between the kids that i spent some time in the er with. (a terrible experience) a week went by and i was beginning to feel better, physically. (forget emotions for now) but then it just kept going....i went to see my midwife 2 weeks later, still with discomfort abdominally and still bleeding. they checked me for anemia - i was ok (shockingly so). they checked my HcG levels, and, well, they were still a little high. this was also shocking and gave room to all kinds of thoughts. there was mention of twins. there was mention of being further along than thought. hopes rose and fell frequently throughout my days. my midwife wanted me to wait another week for more bloodtesting and asked me to rest in the mean time. i don't do that well. finally, the results of blood test #2 showed a decline in HcG, although it was still above a "not pregnant" level. the bleeding stopped. my body is starting to feel a bit more normal now, but not totally.
now we'll talk emotions: roller coaster.
there you go. i feel manic. crazy. pathetic. weak. like a disappointment. like a failure. like people who love me are judging me. stupid. i'll spare you and stop there.
so depressed probably sums it up. but that is not all the time. not even most of the time. but when it hits, oh boy. niagara falls. all i can say is...my poor family. thank god they love me. we had to tell stella in a child-friendly way and she was so relieved. she thought something terrible was going on (we just had a death in the family - an uncle died of cancer...i think she thought i was dying!)
so today is february. valentines day is coming. my birthday is coming. i'm going to start knitting a new sweater today. i'm getting back into life. its going to be hard at first. but, slowly, life will pick up.
i'm so thankful we are where we are right now. (in elverson, near our church, surrounded by a loving community of believers) this entire time, we've been reminded of God's love for us. He is not a god of "do this, i'll do that." for some reason, these things happen. pregnancies lost, jobs lost, homes lost, friends lost, family lost, confidence lost........ and the hope is that through them, we will turn to our Friend, our King, and walk on the water to His outstretched hand. the impossible is possible. He wants us walking with Him, relating to Him, conversing with Him. He will quiet the storm.
i'm ready to get out of this boat.
january entered harshly, so yesterday, i was filled with anticipation as it drew to a close. today i'm starting my new year. one month short, but happily so!
the month was filled with hardship. i wasn't game for speaking of it, until recently when i realized that people like to offer encouragement, and getting it off your chest helps it go away! so...i really should back up to before christmas. chris and i discovered we were expecting another baby. this was unplanned and a little hard for me to handle on its own. (i like to plan...be in control...ha!) i came around to it, and even got a little excited. but all along, something felt strange. chris and i thought we were just "in denial" because i didn't seem pregnant. i didn't even feel pregnant. then on christmas eve (in the morning), i started spotting. this is normal for a lot of pregnant women, but not me. i've never had that lead to something good. i tried to not panic, keep my attitude positive. i made it through the week and we decided to go to our friends (dan and elin's) bi-annual new years eve party. it is such a fun place to be - great friends, food, etc! it was relaxing and distracting, although i never totally shook my nerves. we spent the night at chris' folks with the kids. lo and behold at 5:30 on january 1, i awoke to terrible pain. i was miscarrying. we called my midwife for input and we all agreed i could go through this one at home (things were progressing "normally"). i had a previous miscarriage in between the kids that i spent some time in the er with. (a terrible experience) a week went by and i was beginning to feel better, physically. (forget emotions for now) but then it just kept going....i went to see my midwife 2 weeks later, still with discomfort abdominally and still bleeding. they checked me for anemia - i was ok (shockingly so). they checked my HcG levels, and, well, they were still a little high. this was also shocking and gave room to all kinds of thoughts. there was mention of twins. there was mention of being further along than thought. hopes rose and fell frequently throughout my days. my midwife wanted me to wait another week for more bloodtesting and asked me to rest in the mean time. i don't do that well. finally, the results of blood test #2 showed a decline in HcG, although it was still above a "not pregnant" level. the bleeding stopped. my body is starting to feel a bit more normal now, but not totally.
now we'll talk emotions: roller coaster.
there you go. i feel manic. crazy. pathetic. weak. like a disappointment. like a failure. like people who love me are judging me. stupid. i'll spare you and stop there.
so depressed probably sums it up. but that is not all the time. not even most of the time. but when it hits, oh boy. niagara falls. all i can say is...my poor family. thank god they love me. we had to tell stella in a child-friendly way and she was so relieved. she thought something terrible was going on (we just had a death in the family - an uncle died of cancer...i think she thought i was dying!)
so today is february. valentines day is coming. my birthday is coming. i'm going to start knitting a new sweater today. i'm getting back into life. its going to be hard at first. but, slowly, life will pick up.
i'm so thankful we are where we are right now. (in elverson, near our church, surrounded by a loving community of believers) this entire time, we've been reminded of God's love for us. He is not a god of "do this, i'll do that." for some reason, these things happen. pregnancies lost, jobs lost, homes lost, friends lost, family lost, confidence lost........ and the hope is that through them, we will turn to our Friend, our King, and walk on the water to His outstretched hand. the impossible is possible. He wants us walking with Him, relating to Him, conversing with Him. He will quiet the storm.
i'm ready to get out of this boat.
26 December 2009
Merry Christmas!
Thank you for being our friends! We love you all!
Here are some shots from Christmas morning...and drawings from Stella.
Listen to the kids singing Rudolph on that handy MP3 thingy to the left.
Here are some shots from Christmas morning...and drawings from Stella.
Listen to the kids singing Rudolph on that handy MP3 thingy to the left.
20 October 2009
16 October 1999-2009
we got married 10 years ago! it was such an amazing day...mid 70s, leaves in full color, even had deer prancing behind the church...
this year, chris surprised me with this...and a dinner gathering with family and friends. a wonderful weekend to celebrate our anniversary! this is some of my first yarn being spun by our "fire" (aka christmas lights!) we got festive!
i am a blessed girl!
now...onto packing! i have been taking short spinning breaks when i feel totally overwhelmed by boxes!
this year, chris surprised me with this...and a dinner gathering with family and friends. a wonderful weekend to celebrate our anniversary! this is some of my first yarn being spun by our "fire" (aka christmas lights!) we got festive!
i am a blessed girl!
now...onto packing! i have been taking short spinning breaks when i feel totally overwhelmed by boxes!
26 September 2009
i made it...i can breathe now
what a day...we spontaneously went to this gospel choir competition at the wachovia center in philadelphia. all local gospel choirs from churches in and around philly...i have never been a part of something like this. chris and i sat 3rd row center (which gave me the giggles at first...imagine the scene, folks). and in the end were blessed beyond belief. the judges were hezekiah walker (listen to this song...he sang it tonight), lonnie hunter, and marvin sapp. this song moved me severely. i think it's my new theme song.
the night ended with chris and i on the couch and U2 on SNL. nice close to an amazing evening.
hallelujah!
the night ended with chris and i on the couch and U2 on SNL. nice close to an amazing evening.
hallelujah!
19 September 2009
school supplies
my, my....how do i begin after such a long absence??? a quick update, and then on with it!
::::we are moving. november 1st. to elverson, pa. we are excited. nervous. can't wait. it's been a long time coming, and we are finally just jumping. country life is on its way! (or incredibly small town life, really!) and we will finally be a part of our church community!
::::1st grade started last week for stella. another year at home. i did my (now 2nd annual) freak out. i was all geared up. curricula chosen. supplies bought. and then...crap! i'm going to ruin my child! i cannot do this! she must go to school! chris talked me off the edge...and last week went stunningly. i don't remember 1st grade being so fun!
so here is what we did. from the chalkboard in the kitchen:
Bible Memory/Copywork: Psalm 139:1-2 (we will have the whole thing memorized for this year)
Grammar: Chapter 3 (Shurley Grammar)
Phonics: Review (Reading Eggs)
Reading: Curious George (First Favorites, Vol. 1)
Math: Review (waiting for books - got them Thursday!)
Geography: NSEW, make a compass, States: PA and NJ
History: Lewis and Clark, expedition game online, Thomas Jefferson, design your own Monticello
French: new CD of French children's song (so far, its just about sing-alongs)
Music: listening this week. we'll get to composer's later
Science: we've been doing the body at co-op (cells, bones, joints) on to muscles this week!
it was a great week. next week i'll give the update on friday (or saturday). next friday we are visiting a small homeschool-school (kind of a one room school house or sorts.) its called the hoke school and, if we decide we like it, stella would go 3 mornings a week. 2 would be with 1st thru 4th grade, 1 would be just her age. we'll see. this raising a child thing is tough. i feel terribly underprepared, unworthy, and ill-equipped. and there is nothing i want to do more.
so...here's to a new year. new pens. new paper. a new bottle of glue. it's so nice to start fresh.
::::we are moving. november 1st. to elverson, pa. we are excited. nervous. can't wait. it's been a long time coming, and we are finally just jumping. country life is on its way! (or incredibly small town life, really!) and we will finally be a part of our church community!
::::1st grade started last week for stella. another year at home. i did my (now 2nd annual) freak out. i was all geared up. curricula chosen. supplies bought. and then...crap! i'm going to ruin my child! i cannot do this! she must go to school! chris talked me off the edge...and last week went stunningly. i don't remember 1st grade being so fun!
so here is what we did. from the chalkboard in the kitchen:
Bible Memory/Copywork: Psalm 139:1-2 (we will have the whole thing memorized for this year)
Grammar: Chapter 3 (Shurley Grammar)
Phonics: Review (Reading Eggs)
Reading: Curious George (First Favorites, Vol. 1)
Math: Review (waiting for books - got them Thursday!)
Geography: NSEW, make a compass, States: PA and NJ
History: Lewis and Clark, expedition game online, Thomas Jefferson, design your own Monticello
French: new CD of French children's song (so far, its just about sing-alongs)
Music: listening this week. we'll get to composer's later
Science: we've been doing the body at co-op (cells, bones, joints) on to muscles this week!
it was a great week. next week i'll give the update on friday (or saturday). next friday we are visiting a small homeschool-school (kind of a one room school house or sorts.) its called the hoke school and, if we decide we like it, stella would go 3 mornings a week. 2 would be with 1st thru 4th grade, 1 would be just her age. we'll see. this raising a child thing is tough. i feel terribly underprepared, unworthy, and ill-equipped. and there is nothing i want to do more.
so...here's to a new year. new pens. new paper. a new bottle of glue. it's so nice to start fresh.
18 June 2009
summer reading
well, our first year of homeschooling has come to a close, and we are all so happy - with our achievements, the bonding that has taken place, the growth in all of our lives, and the letting go of our routine a little bit! today we woke up to a cold rainy day and just played. relaxed. played some more. made some cookies. and read. a lot. so i thought i'd share our summer reading so far (yeah, i know, it's not officially summer, but summer vacation has begun!)
for starters, one of the reasons we are so proud of stella is her accomplishment with reading! we used the veritas phonics curriculum and boy...she flew. she has been reading small books since before christmas, but really took off around february/march. we were at barnes and noble and picked up their summer reading journal...read any 8 books and get one free! she's read six so far! they are:
for some fun, stella asked me to read them Beverly Cleary's, "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" aloud. we sat down and cleared off five chapters in no time! so fun...
there are some "grown up" books hoping to be read as well...maybe i'll post them next!
happy summer!!
for starters, one of the reasons we are so proud of stella is her accomplishment with reading! we used the veritas phonics curriculum and boy...she flew. she has been reading small books since before christmas, but really took off around february/march. we were at barnes and noble and picked up their summer reading journal...read any 8 books and get one free! she's read six so far! they are:
for some fun, stella asked me to read them Beverly Cleary's, "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" aloud. we sat down and cleared off five chapters in no time! so fun...there are some "grown up" books hoping to be read as well...maybe i'll post them next!
happy summer!!
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