waiting.

this is the hard part.
waiting for results.
waiting for surgery.
waiting for tests.
waiting to eat.
waiting to sleep.
waiting to ..........

last night brought devastating news. the preliminary results of dad's biopsy revealed a very rare and difficult cancer. sarcoma. maybe.

chris, the kids and i went to the hospital right after our dinner. dad was fighting sleep, as he was receiving more blood, and with that benedryl. the benedryl makes him tired, dry and anxious. he wanted oxygen and his heart monitor again. chris took the kids home and i stayed with mom and dad. mom tried to sleep in the recliner chair next to dad, and i slept on the "bed." i say that, because it's really glorified concrete. harder than a wood floor, i tell you. well, from 11:30 until 4 am, dad was up almost every half hour with anxiety, needing to urinate, wanting the tv on, not wanting the tv on....it was rough. at 4, mom was so exhausted that we switched spots. she might have slept a bit in the bed, but at 4 dad was ready to be awake. we tried to rest a little. i helped him roll over onto his side, where he is more comfortable. he reached out and we fell asleep holding hands. i want that to stay in my heart and brain forever. when sleep left...about 45 minutes later, we sat up to read the bible. then came the time for "action news"...a snow storm coming.

my sisters both struggled to get here. the roads were terrible. however, they both arrived in (God's) perfect timing. dad was taken down to pre-op around 9. they drew more blood to cross check it again. as we waited, andrea arrived. we went upstairs to meet with the oncologist. as we got off the 8th floor, lura arrived. as we waited in dad's room, dr. reddy (the oncologist) arrived. he began to show us dad's pet scan and talk about just what it is he sees when the phone rang. the surgeon called off dad's surgery due to new pathology results. not just a sarcoma, but an angiosarcoma. this involves blood vessels going to the tumor, and had there been surgery, dad could have blood profusely...perhaps fatally they said. dad came back upstairs and we all started to process the news.

angiosarcoma doesn't respond well to chemo and radiation. the typical treatment is surgery, but dad's is appearing in at least 3 places, perhaps more already.

right now, he is having an angiogram. this is where they look inside his arteries to see if there are any vessels feeding the tumor. i just spoke to an x-ray tech who said they were doing well, and just started embollizing. this means there are blood vessels involved. they are blocking them so that they can do the femur surgery without bleeding. this might happen tomorrow.

i feel like i was punched in the stomach. this is hard to take. however, we are comforted. it feels like the most chaotic rollercoaster...yet there is peace.

so now we wait.

I remain confident in this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
-Psalm 27:13-14